I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
