I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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