Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
