Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
