our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
