I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
