The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
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