Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
