dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
no, he came in my armpit
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
