thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
