If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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