In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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