I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
