Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
