no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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