I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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