And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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