I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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