i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
