absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize