nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
