I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
