Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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