there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
