I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
