its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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