if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
