Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
