I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
