she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
