my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this will be a night to untag.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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