I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
