Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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