i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
