If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
