why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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