i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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