I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
