You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize