Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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