feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
