I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
