we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
