You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
