if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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