i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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