Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize