Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Randomize
