More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We have started to decorate penises.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
