i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
