You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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