i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize