I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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