Im at strip club and am horny
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
