If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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