i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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