I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
