I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
