you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my shit smells like andre
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
