his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
