So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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