tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
