What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
