the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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