i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
