im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
