I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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