we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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