Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
