i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
