i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
