I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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