is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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