The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
