Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
