I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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