I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
