hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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