why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
