just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He better not be in your backpack
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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