So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
