Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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