woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
