Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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