You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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