My girlfriend figured out who you are.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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