you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
