I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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