WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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