well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
