Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
