You really coming over, don't trick.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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