It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
