she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
