He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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