Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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