Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
