This is not my ceiling
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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