where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize