he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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