K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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