I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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