I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
