Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
