I wish my penis had an off switch
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
